Tuesday, November 08, 2005

JUSTICE PREVAILS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

To all of you poor customer service workers librarian and otherwise forced to endure the slimiest of human beings with no recourse or escape: I share with you this triumph!

Long has the library been a haven to perverts. Here they accumulate to stare at you unabashedly smirking. We have been groped, stalked, harassed, and assaulted with all manner of sexual innuendos by these people but yet must politely smile and redirect their offensive attacks.

One of our most notorious patrons has been here longer than I have. He stays here all day long and knows the library better than we do. However, that won't stop him from asking a staff member in a skirt to find a book for him that always ends up being on the top or bottom shelf. If the staff member should be clever enough to gesture to the book he will instantly complain that his knees hurt or that it's too high up. Yea right. I don't care if I get fired for it, I'm not giving that perv an extra inch of calf. He is also notorious for following us around the library staring at us with a I'm-picturing-you-naked-and-there's-nothing-you-can-do-about-it expression. He is the most slimy fellow you can picture. Just one glance makes you want to slug him. Unfortunately, library policy frowns on staff members assaulting patrons. This is why we deserve a HUGE raise. Imagine putting up with endless perversion and having to smile about it.

Sadly, this is the most minor of his disturbing offenses against the opposite sex. This guy will quite blatantly lay down on the floor next to a shelf and peer up through the books to stare up a woman's skirt on the opposite side. That's right, beware ladies because this evil monkey doesn't even try to hide what he's doing.

But wait, it gets worse.

He's had to be banned from the children's section because he made a habit of lying on the couch to stare up the skirts of twelve year olds!

Hold that shiver of disgust, it gets worse.

He also likes to sit outside the library in the mall way next to the stairs to stare up the skirts of six year olds!! BLEACH!!

Want the coup 'de grace? No? Too bad. He has three daughters!!!!!!!!!!! Damn you CPS for being so useless!! This unbelievable skeazebag actually has three daughters and committs so many unspeakable sexual crimes here at the library. I weep for society.
As a future child psychologist, I must brace myself to meet these poor girls one day. For now, I'm creating legislature that demands all sexual offenders be castrated....slowly.....

For the three years that I have worked here, I've had to endure his stares, his lurking, his skirt fenagles. But yesterday was the final straw.

Yesterday, one of my co-workers ushered me over to the shelves. On one side, one of the tech services workers was crouched down in a skirt studiously doing her job. On the other? Who else but that evil monkey casually reclined on the floor enjoying the view. Fully disgusted beyond measure, I stomped up to him and asking him if he needed any help in a very angry, very loud voice. With a guilty expression, he plucked a random book from the shelf and leapt to his feet. He avoided eye contact as he scurried away. The tech worker had already disappeared from the area so I hastily went to tech services to warn her of his anticts.

By the time I made it, the worker who alerted me to the situation was already there taking matters into her own hands informing the worker of the travesty she had unwittingly endured. Naturally, she was upset.
At that opportune moment, the administrator entered the area. We immediately told him of this new incident in a long string of sordid incidents. Brownie point #1 to him, he told me to go ahead and call the police. Excellent. :)

Not quite trusting in the power of a warning even if it is from a man with a gun, the tech worker and I made alternate plans. Should he get away, we planned to clock out and beat the literal crap out of him and/or remove the source of his evil. It would be on our own time as civilians so our administrator can't complain.

I happily dialed the number and described the offender in detail. Sadly, this was to be a warning since our perv was disinclined to listen to the administrator's frequent warnings.

Once that happy task was accomplished, I returned to the main area to keep an eye on him. There was no way I was letter this perv go. Whether he would talk to the police or my fist, this guy was getting talked to. He seemed to sense something was in the air because he was cowering in the far corner talking on his cell phone. We placed several guards at the entrance to prevent escape and awaited the arrival of the men in blue.

Just as they arrived he made a run for it but the police stopped him. There goes his plea of innocense. Only someone who has done something wrong flees.

I patiently waited back in the main library to be approached by the police as well to make my statement since I placed the report in my own name.

Ten minutes later, it was my supervisor who came to me with the play-by-play of what happened.
While talking to this skeevy piece of primordial ooze, our administrator changed his mind and decided to permanently ban him!!!! YYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Needless to say, there was much happy dancing done by the entire staff. One million Brownie points to our illustrious administator for that!!!

That's one perv down, 20,000 more to go. His replacement was already in that same day. A guy in a blue jogging suit decided to take it upon himself to stare at us all day long in a very open and obvious manner. Oh well. At least for today, we take home a small victory. The entire staff came to work today in skirts in celebration.


Blogger Doggie Extraordinaire's Mom said...

I love your director! Are you hiring? I'm willing to relocate! I'll start at the bottom and do any duty you have! My director won't even address the gang problem, less yet the perverts.

Congratulations! Woohoo!

7:57 PM  
Blogger Mae Kyl said...

As a matter of fact, we will be needing a part time person in a couple of weeks, but I'm not sure how you would feel about our overly hot and very long summer months (with a not very reliable heating and cooling system- hot in the summer and cold in the winter in side the building!!). Plus there's all of the rednecks and obnoxious patrons we endure!!

3:34 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home

Tranzliate this Shiznit to Jive!

Click the Spinn'n Rim Beotch!

www.myYearbook.com -- Created by 2 high school students to kick myspace's ass