Wednesday, January 18, 2006

The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse *Updated*

*I added another sign!*

No matter what religion you prescribe to; they all proclaim that the end is coming. No one knows exactly when, but we are warned to look for signs.

After years of working at a library, I have been seeing those signs. Duck and cover people; we're all going to die!

The Signs of Impending Doom:

1. Literature and Quality are Dead

A teenage girl came up to me at the desk all stylishly dressed with perfectly shaped hair. We're talking mid to late teens.

Do you have the Romeo and Juliet book?

*long silence filled with blinking* You mean the play Romeo and Juliet?

It's a play?

*more silence with blinking* (I'm waiting for her to crack up and say "of course it's a play! Sorry, that's what I meant.) You William Shakespeare...?

Really? Huh.

*internal wailing of horror* Okay....well I can take you right to the Shakespeare collection.

This was in no way exagerated or played up; this older teenager didn't know Romeo and Juliet was a play by Shakespeare!!! The truly scary thing is that one day she will be in a position of power. *shudder*

2. Rock and Roll is Dead

I met a guitarist who had never heard of Stairway to Heaven.

I'll give you a moment to blink in utter shock. .................................................
Yea, that's what I thought. I was under the impression that it was a requirement that the first song a guitarist learns to play is Stairway to Heaven (or at least House of the Rising Sun)!

I sadly found this odd creature in band class. I was part of the jazz band (small school endorsed ensemble lead by the band director) at the time and was a senior and oldest member. After years of teasing me with the idea of actually playing Stairway to Heaven (euphoniums don't get the cool music that guitarists do), the director finally decided to let us play it. I was so excited I did flips.

Now for the scary part, only the Tuba player and I had ever heard the song!!!!!! We're talking about over a dozen teenagers (including a guitarist and drummer!!!!!) who had no idea about the song!! Only the low brass who have no melody parts at all knew how to play it!!!!!
There's nothing sadder then hearing a rendition of Stairway to Heaven by a bunch of people who had no idea how it's supposed to sound.
I nearly wept.

3. Common Sense is Dead

A grown man approached my desk looking for the nearest Western Union. Given my lousy sense of direction and poor knowledge of the town, I politely handed him the phone book. With a frown he immediately flipped to the yellow pages under 'w'. Hardly daring to think that he truly was unable to use the phone book, I tentatively noted that the yellow pages were alphabetically listed by subject while the white pages were listed by organization/ name.

To my horror, surprise filled his face and he said "Really?"

This reaction I could have understood from new technology, a mentally retarded individual, a foreign individual, or a five year old. This man was neither.


Blogger Happy Villain said...

NOOOOOO! I took one semester of guitar in high school (I was going to be a rock star until I realized I had no talent and my looks didn't make up for it) and the one and only song I learned all the way through was Stairway to Heaven! OMG, have these kids not seen Wayne's World?

Just kill me now.

8:05 PM  

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