Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Mr. Sanderson Strikes Back!

Ah, our most torturous patron returned from a long refreshing trip abroad with a million impossible questions lined up for us.

However, he must feel that we are not suffering enough from his daily barage of sadistic inquiries. Perhaps we deal with his cruel ways a little too efficiently and his sadistic needs are not being met? We have a folder chalk full of every question he's ever asked ready and waiting right at the desk. We have websites bookmarked that detail his areas of interests (like a complete national listing of every embassy and consolate of every country; which we use every few hours or so), Our Latin and Greek dictionaries are on standby along with Babblefish on favorites.

So now he has come up with a whole new way to drive us to self injury. It also happens to be one of those, 'careful what you wish for' kind of things.
Mr. Sanderson finally consented to learning to use the computer. At first I was overjoyed because now he could finally look up his own outrageous questions and come to a better appreciation for what we do.

Oh no. Of course that's not what happened. Why do I even bother with that big let-down we call hope?

I have yet in all my library experience aiding the elderly and toddler alike to see such an incompetent computer person! Even the technophobes got nothing on this man. He now comes in daily and every five seconds will gesture us over for a computer question.

The email address disappeared, where's the email address?! Do I have to type it in again?!
Scroll up.

I want to send this email, how do I send it?
Click on the send button.

Why am I at the attatchment screen?! I don't want to be here, where's my email message?!
*sigh* Click on the back button.

How do I get to the webpages? (on yahoo)
Click on the blue underline words.
It's not working! (clicking on the black text)
No, on the blue! The blue! No, the big BLUE letters!!!

The page isn't loading! Why isn't it loading?!
Don't move the mouse when you click on the link. No, you've got to hold it still. It's still moving, you can't move it even a little. Please put the mouse down before I strangle you with it!

Yesterday I sent an email to someone and I want a copy of it. What do you mean you can't recover it for me?! I sent if from that computer right there! I don't care that that's the way the server works!! Where are you going? What's that metal nail file for?

These are in no way an exageration. These are just the questions he asked today. And yes, he asked them yesterday and the day before that! I'm still battling with the whole cursor thing with him and the mysteries of the backspace. Let's not even get into the strange and confusing scroll button. Surely the webpage begins and ends with that square before me!

On top of that new nightmare, he still calls us with impossible questions several times daily.

I think I must have been a really bad person in a former life to get this kind of karma. Perhaps a murder or drug peddler to six year olds.

You know what would be really great right now? Hand granades.


Blogger Tiny Little Librarian said...

Absolutely! The computer newbie is one of the scariest patrons of all. It's really quite something how their brains turn to complete mush (honestly, *some* of them aren't mush beforehand :) ). Computer newbies and photocopier people make me want to hide under the desk.

12:16 PM  
Blogger Library Psychosis said...

Mwahahahahaaaaaaaa!!! We make circulation help the people at the copying machine!

*insert evil grin here*

9:59 AM  

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